A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

                         Two    Bird

Teacher:  Here are two bird,one is a swallow,the other is a sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?

Student:   I can't point out but i know the answer.

Teacher:  Please tell us.

Student:   The swallowis beside the sparrow,and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

                 两只小鸟

老师：这里有两只小鸟，一只是燕子，另一只是麻雀，谁能告诉我们哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我不会分辨但我知道答案。

老师：那请你告诉我们。

学生：燕子旁边的是麻雀，麻雀旁边的是燕子。

                       （纯手工操作的，希望你会喜欢） 

已解决问题 收藏 需要英语笑话 30 标签：英语,笑话 急 绚丽玫瑰 回答:14 人气:14 解决时间:2009-03-14 22:03 今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思 　　老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？ 　　我说：“我不知道” 　　老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！ 　　我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！ 　　老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&..(一顿爆揍) 　　老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。 　　我说：是“我知道“ 　　老妈：知道就快说。 　　我说：就是“我知道“ 　　老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？ 　　我说：就是我知道呀！ 　　老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍) 　　老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？ 　　我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧 　　　这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什么意思啊~?“ 　　我:“我很烦,别烦我“ 　　老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁) 　　老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊“ 　　我说:“我没听清,再说一次“ 　　老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“ 　　“我没听清,再说一次“ 　　结果被扁 　　老妈再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢“ 　　我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁) 　　老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’ 　　我说:“查字典“ 　　“查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁) 　　老妈又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢“ 　　我说:“你最好问别人“ 　　“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“ 　　“啊!god save me !“ “上帝救救我吧!” 　　“耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁) 　　我再问你:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!“ 　　我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“ 　　“臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手 　　我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思” 　　“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”

 2.吝啬鬼死后    When a very miserly man nicknamed the "stingy ghost" died and went to hell, the Yama King reproached him, saying, "You stingy ghost! When you were alive, you clung hard to everything and wouldn't give to anyone. Even when you saw others in poverty and misery, you refused to offer them help. Also, you didn't take good care of your parents, relatives or friends and let them suffer and starve. For your evil karma, you'll be dumped into a pot of
boiling oil."The ghost wardens then escorted the man to the pot of boiling oil, and when they arrived, he looked at the pot and said, "Hey! Wait a minute! There's so much oil in it. What a waste!Please drain out the oil, sell it and give me the money. Then, you can simply dump me in a pot of boiling water!  There's no need for oil. You're using too much oil to cook one person anyway!"

有一个人很吝啬，叫吝啬鬼，他死了以后下地狱，阎罗王骂他说：「你这个吝啬鬼，在尘间的时候什么东西都抓很紧不放，什么人都不给，看到贫穷、痛苦的人也不帮助，父母、亲戚、朋友也没有照顾好，让他们都挨饿受苦，你这种凶恶的孽障，应该被放入滚开的油锅里面。」
鬼差就带他到滚得很热、很烫的油锅那边，吝啬鬼一看就说：「喔，等一下、慢一下！油那么多，怎么那么浪费呢？你们先把这些油倒出来，卖出去后把钱给我，然后丢我在热烫的水里就可以了！何必用油，而且还用那么多油！」

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

今天是国庆日，因为英明伟大的政府建设国家、爱护百姓的功绩罄竹难书，所以放假一天，爸爸妈妈特地带我们到动物园玩。

　　按照惯例，我们早餐喜欢吃地瓜粥。今天因为地瓜卖完了，妈妈只好黔驴技穷地削些芋头来滥竽充数。没想到那些种在阳台的芋头很好吃，全家都贪得无厌地自食其果。

　　出门前，我那徐娘半老的妈妈打扮的花枝招展，鬼斧神工到一点也看不出是个糟糠之妻。头顶羽毛未丰的爸爸也赶紧洗心革面沐猴而冠，换上双管齐下的西装后英俊得惨绝人寰，鸡飞狗跳到让人退避三舍。东施效颦爱漂亮的妹妹更是穿上调整型内衣愚公移山，画虎类犬地打扮的艳光四射，趾高气昂地穿上新买的高跟鞋。

　　我们一丘之貉坐着素车白马，很快地到了动物园，不料参观的人多到豺狼当道草木皆兵，害我们一家骨肉分离。妻离子散的爸爸鞠躬尽瘁地到处广播，终于找到到差点认贼作父的我和遇人不淑的妹妹，困兽之斗中，我们螳臂当车力排众议推己及人地挤到猴子栅栏前，鱼目混珠拍了张强颜欢笑的全家福。

　　接着到鸡鸣狗盗的鸟园欣赏风声鹤唳哀鸿遍野的大自然美妙音乐。后来爸爸口沫横飞地为我们指鹿为马时，吹来一阵凉风，唾面自干的滋味，让人毛骨悚然不寒而栗，妈妈连忙为爸爸黄袍加身，也叮嘱我们要克绍其裘。

　　到了傍晚，因为假日的关系，餐厅家家鹊占鸠巢六畜兴旺，所以妈妈带著我们孟母三迁，最后终于决定吃火锅。有家餐厅刚换壁纸，家徒四壁很是美丽，灯火阑珊配上四面楚歌，非常有气氛。十面埋伏的女服务生们四处招蜂引蝶，忙着为客人围魏救赵，口蜜腹剑到让人误认到了西方极乐世界。

　　饥不择食的我们点了综合火锅，坐怀不乱的爸爸当头棒喝先发制人，要求为虎作伥拿着刀子班门弄斧的女服务生，快点将狡兔死走狗烹，因为尸位素餐的我们一家子早就添油加醋完毕，就等着火锅赶快沉鱼落雁好问鼎中原，可惜锅盖太小，有点欲盖弥彰。

　　汤料沸腾后，热得乐不思蜀的我们赶紧解衣推食好大义灭亲上下其手，一网打尽捞个水落石出。

　　火锅在我们呼天呛地面红耳赤地蚕食鲸吞后，很快就只剩沧海一粟，和少数的漏网之鱼。母范犹存的妈妈想要丢三落四放冬粉时，发现火苗已经危在旦夕，只好投鼠忌器。幸好狐假虎威的爸爸呼卢喝雉叫来店员抱薪救火，终于死灰复燃，也让如坐针毯的我们中饱私囊。鸟尽弓藏後，我们一家子酒囊饭袋，沆瀣一气，我和妹妹更是小人得志，沾沾自喜。

　　不料结帐的时候，老板露出庐山真面目，居然要一饭千金，爸爸气得吴牛喘月，妈妈也委屈地牛衣对泣。

　　啊！这三生有幸的国庆日，就在爸爸对着钱包自惭形秽大义灭亲后，我们全家江郎才尽，一败涂地。

Today is National Day, as the wise and great government building the country, people love achievements too numerous to record, so one day a holiday, special parents to the zoo, we play zone.

In accordance with established practice, we like to eat sweet potato porridge breakfast. Sold out today because the sweet potatoes, my mother had no choice but to cut more taro wits to cheating. Did not expect those kinds of taro in the balcony to eat a good whole family suffer insatiable.

Out in front of my mother dressed徐娘半老the花枝招展, uncanny workmanship I can not see the point is糟糠之妻. Head fledgling沐猴而冠father hastened to a new start in life, put on the suit after a two-pronged approach was extremely tragic and handsome,鸡飞狗跳to avoid it.东施效颦love beautiful sister is adjustable to wear underwear愚公移山, tiger painting to dress up like a dog's艳光四射, high gas Aung Toe bought to wear high-heeled shoes.

Su-birds of a feather We sat white car, soon to go to the zoo, the number of people surprise visit to the wolves草木皆兵in power, suffered a separated us. Dedicated to families everywhere the father of radio, finally found the认贼作父to almost遇人不淑sister and I, encaged animals of fighting, we decided a July mantis mantis cars to benefit the monkey pushed the fence before the shot weeding Zhang family强颜欢笑的.

Next to the Bird Park鸡鸣狗盗jittery哀鸿遍野appreciate the wonderful music of nature.口沫father was flying for us, when a deer is a horse, blowing a cool breeze, saliva from the dry surface taste, horrified people shudder, her mother acclaimed emperor at once for father, also called the Fur克绍we have to.

By the evening, because the relationship between the holidays, restaurants accounted Hatoyama magpie nests every six domestic animals thrive, so his mother moved with our three孟母, finally decided to eat hot pot. Restaurant just for a home wallpaper,家徒四壁very beautiful with lights felt besieged on all sides, it is the atmosphere. House of Flying Daggers were the four women serving招蜂引蝶,围魏救赵busy for guests, to be mistaken口蜜腹剑to the Western World of Ultimate Bliss.

饥不择食of our comprehensive hot spots, wake-up call to a pre-emptive坐怀不乱father asked with a knife为虎作伥female slight skill before an expert service, quick to cook狡兔running dog died because the family long ago sinecures添油加醋we finished, we waiting for hot pot as soon as possible to become the Central Plains沉鱼落雁good, but pot is too small, a bit motivated.

Boiling soup, the hot solution reluctant to leave our clothes quickly pushed大义灭亲good manipulation of food, fish get to the bottom of a clean sweep.

Hot days in our call to swallow like a whale choked to red very quickly after a drop in the ocean on the left, and a small number of slip through the net. Fan's mother mother still wants to put冬粉scatterbrained, it was found that the flame has been at stake, had no choice but to stir up grievances. Fortunately, the father called Lu狐假虎威drink shop called抱薪救火pheasant, and finally make a comeback, and also if we take the needle pocketed blanket.鸟尽弓藏, we the family酒囊饭袋, collusion, is a sister to me and小人得志, complacent.

But when the checkout, the boss his true colors, even to the daughter of a meal, and my father so angry Wu Chuan-Yue Niu, Niu mother wronged to clothing to weep.

Ah! This三生有幸National Day, in front of wallet自惭形秽大义灭亲father, we江郎才尽family, suffered a crushing defeat.